Plot: Homeless veteran Bob 'Drillbit' Taylor manages to enjoy life anyhow and even saves some cash for his dream, an 'all-paid' move to Alaska, even if that may take many years. His dream comes within reach when clever nerd Wade, has fat friend Ryan 'T-dog' and cocky shrimp Jim, all new to high-school, are bullied so badly by emancipated Filkins and his buddies that they advertise for a bodyguard. Only Drillbit seems affordable and not crazy, so he's hired and drains their pocket-money and home content. He's clueless how to protect them but gives them (bogus) self-defense classes.
Alternative Plot: For three misfit freshmen, the first day of high school becomes a living hell when Filkins (Alex Frost), the school bully, zeroes in on them. Chubby Ryan (Troy Gentile), diminutive Emmit (David Dorfman) and skinny Wade (Nate Hartley) all feel the wrath of Filkins. Realizing that their own chance for survival is to hire a bodyguard, the pals place an ad in the newspaper. Answering the call is Drillbit Taylor (Owen Wilson) ; armed, dangerous and completely fake.
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